This is my Home and you are Welcome
Make it stand out
PHOTO: Busking/begging in front of iconic “Jackman Humanities Building”, Toronto University, hub of Art, Literature and Philosophy. I have a John Berger Book turned into donation collector for “coins and kindness”. There’s none, but I hope it made John Berger cringe or smile, wherever he is now. To match the shameless act of tearing apart John Berger’s “Portraits” in front of literary department, here’s a song for you.
There is a SourDog in all things Men. You just have to rearrange them to see through surface. [WAYS OF SEEING, eH?]
Song: | The Veil of Shame
ਦੋ ਦਿਨ ਰੱਖਿਆ ਅਸਾਂ / ਉੱਡੀ ਗਿਆ ਪੱਲਾ
ਦੋ ਦਿਨ ਸਾਡੇ ਗਰਾਂ / ਉੱਡੀ ਗਿਆ ਪੱਲਾ
ਦੋ ਦਿਨ ਸਾਡੇ ਘਰਾਂ / ਉੱਡੀ ਗਿਆ ਪੱਲਾ
It was a full poem with conventional structure and story telling. I felt a gradual but strong pull towards semiotics while editing it, which helped it lose the conventional baggage and become a folk song evoking— imagery with minimal aesthetics, gruesome reality, and pragmatism of folk. A fitting dystopian soundscape with robotic/instructive voices, a heartbeat, and many wailing ghosts (vocals); all telling the story of a fall. The poem in the song talks about slipping away of the Veil of Shame/dignity.
Shame, Oh shame!
I held you for few days
and then let go.
Shame, Oh shame!
you visited my town once
and let go.
Shame, Oh shame!
I brought you home
and let go.
⏺
A Personal Plea
I believe I wrote my last message in quite panic, missing on etiquette and coherence. Asking strangers directly isn’t difficult and I do that a lot; asking for some work, offering them poems, essays, art or just asking for a dime to spare. Here too, I am doing the same but we’re not strangers. Some people I asked were friends, some readers, and others who had enjoyed my work and supported it in one or the other way. At this point it is hard for me to tell which one you’d be, so I am just asking, as asking goes. I do have a few things to offer if they hold any value to you.
With the kind of work I am looking out for, I certainly know that I wouldn't be able to return your money. But there’s a possibility of a barter, if you consider my offering matches your donation. I have been published in the public domain and my music has always been in the free public domain, so people could decide if they see any value in it. You probably are aware how poorly I have performed in that space. But I have kept writing and making more music, as those are only things I am able to do. I have been using the food bank for two years, but now they are starving too. I wrote a book about it (Schrodinger’s cat), which had very bad feedback from the selected individuals I sent the manuscript to (in my faith in their reading habits). Negative critique could have been a fair reward but it was complete silence. There’s no point of throwing another book in the well which doesn’t even give back a thud.
So here’s my offer to you. I lost my work computer last year to a need for repair. I was in the middle of releasing new songs and releasing teasers on YouTube. I had sent a few songs to a few listeners, friends and acquaintances but the response wasn't any different from my previous experience- a complete silence. Now I have heard them say a nice word now and then, I believe my luck has dried in that space too.
Gurshabad and another friend and a patron helped me produce two songs last year (even if out of kindness and not for my work’s merits). I have tens of them and possibly I will have a lot more in future. I also have written a lot in recent years. My book Schrodinger’s cat is being proofread and I self published my first English graphic Novella SourDog, a few days ago. I often stay in the street daily either asking for donations; handing out zines and my resume for work, sometimes singing a song or a tune to entertain my potential donor. I apply for work inside stores, and paste my poems in public places. I do write in the evening, everyday (Yesterday 7pm-11pm: 15 pages of notes on my next work “15 fables from the future”).
If you are in a position just to bail me out this one time out of kindness, I will appreciate that. I am positive about finding some work soon and getting out of this situation eventually. I will make best use of your money, so I do not have to go through all this again and put you in such an awkward position.
I see no harm in inviting you for a barter, if my work means anything to you. I will keep writing and producing music as a return, and send it your way. On that account, I am sending you my novella in a pdf form, and I will send you a paperback soon. I will also send you new music once my computer is repaired, Schrodinger's cat once it’s proofread, and my future work, if there’s such a future. I will produce only for donation/rent/food and only for those to whom it matters. I need 10-20 heavyweight patron who could donate once a year (worth one month’s rent), and I will produce new work only for them, delivered to them directly. I am hoping to get a dishwasher job soon, so if I am able to pay back, pay for my food and rent, and ask less, as my condition improves. I will ask nevertheless, as no financial support has brought this upon me. Give if you can for a reason that suits you.
I will understand if neither of my asking or offering accommodates your circumstances. I have seen people in conditions worse than mine. I understand the weight. It is afterall, a foolish thing to ask the same people twice. If I didn’t need money to survive and you still wanted my content; I would have asked you to chop-off one finger every month and ship it to me. I am glad we aren’t there yet* (This is an expression, please do not send your fingers).
⏺
Here’s a poem though
Some memories come
like things themselves
I can see and touch again.
Some memories come
as tombstones–
a cemetery of no faces.
Some days
I don’t exist
standing by my tomb
buried under my own feet
I wonder–
what has weight?
⏺
In Next Patron session:
A brief live video with patrons.
SourDog (Novella)paperback shipped to patrons.
A new poem and a song (Pdf/mp3 download).
Essay: A meditation on Folk music
Artists(s) I am listening to now.
